“Tantra is the natural way to God, the normal way to God. The object is to become so completely instinctual, so mindless, that we merge with ultimate nature – that the woman disappears and becomes a door for the ultimate, the man disappears and becomes a door for the ultimate.
“This is the tantric definition of our sexuality: the return to absolute innocence, absolute oneness. The greatest sexual thrill of all is not a search for thrills, but a silent waiting – utterly relaxed, utterly mindless. One is conscious, conscious only of being conscious. One is consciousness. One is contented but there is no content to it.”
We are all sexual energy, we are all powerful life force embodied to play and create in this Earthly existence. What we choose to do with what we are given is up to us.
For years I was immersed in my ‘spiritual practices’ helping others find their way in life, reminding them of the infinite nature of life and putting others before myself a lot of the time. I was ‘successful’ and good at what I did but inside I still felt a little lost and hurt.
I attended workshops, I read books, I listened to numerous YouTube videos; no-one said you had to be perfect to do what I do; many ‘healers’ are healing their own shit at the same time. It is only now looking back that I can see it with a new fresh perspective. I am perfect just as I am.
I look as the ‘woman’ onto the ‘child’ that was; the abused sad child who was frightened of being rejected and hurt once more so stepped into full-on ‘people-pleasing’ mode. What she didn’t recognise at the time was that she was continuing to abuse herself in many ways.
Having gone into survival mode at an early stage in life I had taken on ‘masculine’ fighting traits…the world was out to get me so I was gonna get those fuckers first! It did not feel safe to be soft, vulnerable, open or to let myself fully receive.
I went on a deep inner exploration of every part of my being (yes the intimate details will stay with me for just now!) and I learnt to love my body and my whole being. I allowed the inner child in me to grow up and feel just a bit sexy and sensual. I guess it felt kinda strange to start with as I had so many underlying self-worth and self-love issues.
This is not about ‘sex’ as we often think; pumping and grinding with A.N.OTHER.
I have never been that kinda gal… it takes a lot for this goddess to allow a man into her sacred temple.
I attended a workshop around 3/4 years ago (I forget exactly) on The Art of the Divine Feminine and even attempting to ‘get my sexy on’ during that felt a little awkward in parts (and not my lady parts lol)
I began going to Jazzercise classes where we have to learn ‘dance routines’ and it took some love and nurturing of me to me to allow my body to move in the way it longed to. My inner booty-shaking Beyonce and ass-kicking Pink were coming out. My inner critic often piped up with her comments to throw me off track but this time I did listen but I ain’t bowing down to that part of me that would talk me out of everything given half the chance.
I looked at my sex life and intimacy in my personal relationships; that’s kinda private too but I can say there wasn’t much of that happening for a long time. Many reasons; no judgement but it is a time where I am enjoying me, my body, my life, my energy… exploration, creativity, play, adventure and so much more.
I did find myself googling ‘twin flames’ as I awakened further myself I longed for someone who totally gets me! Yet again, I was given a spiritual ass-kicking of the most loving kind and reminded that when I love me and I focus on what I am here on Earth to contribute it will all unfold perfectly.
No control, no searching, no agendas…no mind fucks!
One thing I won’t be doing any more is hiding who I am.
I am here to shine my Light and I am here to Love.
It took me years to love myself so if I can inspire anyone else to put their hand on their heart right now and really feel your own love then job done… it’s not rocket science, I am not a guru, I don’t know the answers but what I do know is my experiences and my journey.
The journey from ANGER to ANGEL and from GADS to GODDESS
(for any non-Scottish readers ‘gads’ is a Scottish term for a reaction of disgust)
Sometime when we fully step into our Light and our power it can makes others uncomfortable yet I write this with love in my heart for every single experience that helped shape who I am. Of course I gotta give a big shout out to….MY HIGHER SELF or if you’ve seen my Facebook page… my higher selfie lol.
I started reading up on the likes of Tantra years ago yet as I was still working through patterns of shame related to sex and intimacy I kept a lot ‘hidden’. My goddess can now see the patterns of being told to keep things hidden. That relates too to why I feel so passionate about speaking up and speaking out! I see injustice, lies, control and manipulation in the world and I want to scream loud about it. Listen to me cries my inner child… hear me!! My goddess sits patiently with love in her heart and knows that her love ripples out into the Universe beautifully adding to the cosmic fabric of love weaving it’s way into the hearts of all.
I also had patterns of not teaching or sharing on a particular subject as my friend/s or someone I know was teaching/working in that field. I recognise now that we all have unique perspectives to bring to the table in all areas and I will not stop myself from sharing that which I love or find enlightening for ‘fear’ of stepping into another’s spotlight.
We are all being placed exactly as we are needed at this time. This awesome time of transformation. A space to be filled with love.