How often do you look in the mirror and recognise your own beauty? I don’t mean the external appearance staring back at you but the real you. The you that often hides deep inside there only daring to show part of yourself to the world. I have been there and still have days where I remind myself it is okay to just be me. In fact, I would make a pretty crap job of being anyone else. I have tried I guess… putting glitter on my face, going to yoga, saying the word Namaste at times it didn’t feel authentic, ‘liking’ people’s tattoo pics on Facebook when I didn’t like them (the tattoo not the person of course), not honouring the fact that there are people out there that I just click with and others… put me next to them in a room and I haven’t got a clue what to say. The mask, the persona, whatever you want to call it… I didn’t really recognise it as much at the time as we tend to get more clarity in hindsight a lot of the time.
I can struggle with ‘small talk’ and as much as I have got an outgoing side to me there’s also a deeply private part that doesn’t want to discuss my personal life with just anyone. I spent years attempting to be the outgoing chatty one when inside I just couldn’t be bothered with the incessant chat, the wanting others to like me and accept me yet on the other hand not giving a shit about what people think… is that a Scorpio trait I wonder?
I have had times where I have recognised the ease, grace and flow that comes with just being me, following my own psychic sat nav and feel good enhancers. I have had years of self-development work and internal accessing; sweeping out those corners and crevices of my shadow. I found the frightened little child and cheered her up, I took my adult self out clubbing and got boozy, I have navigated the minefield of several relationships (that one has been a tough one at times!) I have absorbed others insights and information yet discovered that their template did not fit mine. There is always an essence of valuable information we can gain from every single person on this planet and each of it will filter to us in different ways. There is no right nor wrong way here; it is a case of getting up each day and listening to what your higher self or Soul is saying. Sometimes this may be muffled like your higher self is sitting up there (wherever there may be!) with a set of ear defenders on not listening to our wants and desires. Please be assured our Soul knows exactly what it is doing! My problem (for want of a better word) has been ‘getting in my own way’… elements of fear, control, worry all dotted on my landscape of beauty and peace. Recently there have been so many more moment where my smile has been from the heart, my words more authentic and I am embracing the inner glow that is growing brighter. I have been exploring creative projects, spent more time over in Holland, been on a ferry for the first time (okay when I asked for my life to be rocking I wasn’t sure this was what I meant as I still felt the motion the next day!) and generally taking more steps out of my comfort zone. I have tapped into my own Source of everything… my own Source of love, abundance, peace, inspiration… everything and nothing. The zero point of stillness is more accessible and the allowing myself to enjoy every moment. I know life is taking me (or I am taking me I should say) in new directions… the new ideas, nudges, confidence to just go for it regardless of what others think. It took another incident a few months ago where a ‘friend’ aired her not-so-nice views and comments about me on Facebook (cheers you were heaven sent as another beautiful catalyst) that made me take another cold hard look at my own patterns and behaviours. What caused a massive ouch at the time turned out to be such a brilliant thing to happen. I am enjoying spending time with those I really connect with and care about, detached from giving two hoots about who ‘likes’ my posts or me and focusing on the divine beauty and bliss within me. The more I stay in this place the better ‘service’ I am to others so it is a win-win situation. I do send love to everyone and I say this from my heart. I can send love and good wishes to every sentient being on this planet but do not have enough hours in my day to hang out with you all. Keep loving your inner self and appreciating all that you are. xx