For years I was riding the rollercoaster in the Amusement Park of Self-Love.
The highs and the lows; the knots in my stomach as my happy demenour slipped and the smile disappeared. The next day or week my energy levels felt better and I could love who I saw in the mirror. I taught others about self-love, how life was too short (well in this particular incarnation it can feel that way!) and how we should all do what makes us happy and find love from within.
Easier said than done I know many have agreed with me. Reading the self-help books, reciting your affirmations like an army drill (it doesn’t work if you don’t believe it) and sitting in workshops and seminars busily scribbling notes as a reminder to love yourself. I AM Loving, Loveable, Loved, Enough, Amazing…Hmmmm am I?
Who else is with me on this one?
The moments of sitting in the bliss and REALLY feeling like you accept yourself in your entirety. Oh your eyes are nice you can whisper to yourself. You are nice person, oh wait what about that time you shouted at your son! No, not a nice person. What about the time you made an excuse not to meet up with someone because you really couldn’t handle their energy that day? No, not a nice person.
The inner critic gives you a ONE STAR review; if they could give you NO stars they probably could. Fuck off you say to the inner critic.
The next day as you step out of the shower the voice pipes up again as you are looking at the flabby bits, the wrinkled bits and the bits that you decide to pick out as the ‘bits I don’t like’ scenario…yet again. The momentum starts again and whizz….the ride is off again… feels like you have a pass to go on this crazy ride again and again. Your stomach starts to churn at the descent.
“Okay inner critic with your shitty reviews and condescending comments I hear you. That is not my truth”
You begin to take one step out of the carriage of the rollercoaster and realise that it was only YOU that stopped you from stepping off. There was no-one else operating the machinery. You simply gave your power away as you thought there was.
You begin to head towards the EXIT sign and suddenly it feels as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You feel the presence of your guardian angel. You silently apologise for not always listening to the whisper in your ear and the guidance in your heart. Life often gets busy and we do not stand still nor silence ourselves. You can sense your angel reminding you that angels do not judge; they are with you loving you unconditionally until you love yourself.
So the next time your inner critic has words to share or an opinion to express allow them the voice, thank them for sharing then turn your loving attention to all that you DO love about yourself, all that you are grateful for, all that is loving, kind and positive. Your friends, family, co-workers, internet connections.
We are human, we are here on Earth to master emotions; do not let them master you.
You are the ride operator, you play the game your way!!