Our world around us is often focused on our external appearance, the quest for perfection and attracting approval and attention from others. I too spent many years lured into this false projection of the truth or rather the non-truth as I now see it. I was a relatively shy child who loved to read but who experienced several forms of abuse in the home growing up. I was ‘scarred’ on many levels and it was not until later in my life that the deep ugly scars of hurt itched to be healed. The unexpressed anger and resentment and a complete inability to let love in. The wounded inner child in me did not feel totally safe to let those around her close to her as it was those around her that she had expectations of that only seemed to let her down. The child inside has little or no memories of large parts of her childhood and to be honest significant parts of her life. The young adult who drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes and carefully managed to survive in the world. She succeeded in holding the facade of thriving, of having fun and to some extent she did have fun. There were many happy times and many magical moments along the way with a subconscious programming that lurked in the background just waiting to sabotage it when it got too good.
*** I have so much I could share about my current life journey and how I got to this place now of self-nurturing and acceptance. I will be sharing and writing more simply to help others who have suffered abuse, low self-esteem and self-sabotaging patterns. It has felt like such a long terrifying journey at times intertwined with precious beautiful moments that have made my heart melt and my soul sing. I battled with low self-confidence and watched as I had my ‘low’ moments and people would barely notice me, I felt tired and drained and well-meaning people pointed it out bluntly to me, the judgement of myself was projected back right in my face and in my heart for me to acknowledge. The years have shown me who I am on the inside and how regardless if I am wearing my specs and my hoodie with no make-up on and people walk past me in the street (it happens) to when I am dressed up looking pretty and suddenly attract adoration and compliments (of which I am grateful of course) I am still me. I had to learn to detach from other people’s opinions and projections, the past patterns and dive into the truth of who I really am. This is a beautiful journey of exploration of which I am breathing love into every cell of my Being and thanking it for keeping me here on Earth in those moments I wanted to go home. I am ready to fully accept my Divine life mission and all the amazing soul-enhancing magical moments ahead.
Love love love… I knew the word but did I know the feeling?
Did I feel love within me and around me?
Love has shown me who he/she/it is…. love is love.
Love is an energy, a force, a feeling…
Love fills my body as I breathe her in,
Love surrounds me as I feel his touch,
Love ensures I feel it.
I AM LOVE.
A journey of self-love is not always an easy journey. It is like mixing up the perfect cocktail… time for myself to stay centred and balanced, time to spend with my family and friends mixed with time to serve others in the best way I can. The combination has changed over time and some flavours have had a sweeter taste in my life. I have always struggled with ‘overwhelm’ and although my mind and my heart may feel that I ‘want’ to do so many things and be there for others this is not possible as my body soon starts to whisper to me to ‘slow down’. When I fail to hear these gentle whisperings the roar begins… the inner lion that needs to be heard and acknowledged. These last few months I have been streamlining my life a little more and this is still a ‘work in progress’ as am I. Through this process I have been revealing more of my authentic self; allowing myself to be fully me with clients (those who love me will love me, the others are meant for someone else!) and letting any false beliefs and patterns fall at my feet. I have had to acknowledge them but not allow myself to become consumed by them. Every part of me needed to be seen by me.
I had spent years doing what I can for others and yes beneath that there was a need for acceptance, for love and for belonging as I was healing old childhood wounds. I have always loved what I do every day and the blessed path that I have been led along but my most authentic self had slipped somewhat in the quest to ‘people please’. The inner child could not handle being rejected or unloved. When I nurtured myself more I would feel these pangs of ‘guilt’ creep up into my awareness that I had said ‘no’ to someone or something else to honour what was right for me; was this being selfish? It has taken me the route of ‘trial and error’ in many ways (although nothing is ever really wrong with us). Recently this guilt and often anger at myself (and yes some others I guess) had shown up in the form of my body and system ‘going haywire’. My personal relationships were suffering and I have had to take several steps back to de-construct this ‘lego’ of my false reality and re-build it again. I have had moments of feeling strong and powerful and I have had many moments of feeling broken and vulnerable. This has been a beautiful healing journey for me as I allowed myself to feel every feeling fully, to laugh, to cry and to question. I have discovered so much more not only about myself but about others. I have learnt to open my heart up more, to trust, to take a step forward each day without knowing the destination.
I am forging stronger relationships with those who mean the world to me including myself. I am loving and accepting myself for always doing my best with the awareness I have had at every moment. I sense that my life is taking a new route and I will be pulled to follow my heart at every moment. A new richness of being is being ushered in and I am finally allowing myself to truly believe that I am worthy of all these magnificent things.
Yes I am a spiritual being but I am here in this human body living a life as we all are and the more we honour and nurture ourselves the more we can come together to co-create the peaceful planet we so desire.
I urge you all to take a few minutes out of your day today (and every day) to bring your awareness to your breathe, place your hand on your heart and say ‘I love you’.
May your journey lead you to the perfect path just for you and as you take the steps along your path may the Universe support you in every way. xx
So much I could say and where to begin? These last few years have been a right learning curve for me in so many ways and just like you I am human and learn and grow all the time. I found myself on this journey where I am helping many people through the ‘work’ I do albeit my reluctance to call it work per se lends me to find another word for it…’spiritual service’ just doesn’t feel quite right either and you know what there have been times when I have used ‘spiritual terminology and language’ or channelled what I felt was coming from my higher self and there may be people who are put off by this or saw fit to post abuse on my page. I totally get it that not everyone is going to agree with me or what I say or believe in and those nasty comments hurt me deeply as I am a sensitive soul. The reason I am saying this now is that regardless of the several times I have been on the receiving end of something like this has only served to make me a more loving compassionate person as I have now vowed never to treat people in this way. There is no doubt that I have hurt others in the past or said things without thinking and that has been my path and I have learnt so much in the process. Hindsight is a wonderful thing we all know that! My Soul is getting really good at this forgiveness malarkey!!
I never set out to get to where I am now… I waded my way through a myriad of un-fulfilling jobs until my Soul guided me to exactly the right place for me. I am a mum, daughter, sister, friend… just a woman doing her best every day, having fun and enjoying her life more now than ever and you know what… I am happy in the knowledge that I am surrounded by those who love me and the opinions of others do not really matter. It has taken me some time to get to this point in my life and am so glad I have freed myself from the shackles of caring what others think (although I give 100% to who deserves/needs my time and energy). So from this music-loving quirky psychic medium angel therapist lover of anything she decides to… keep loving yourself, focus on your own life and happiness and let others focus on theirs. xx
Hi there everyone and it has been some time since I posted on here but I am aiming to make time to share more of what is going on in my life and what I have been up to. Exciting times for sure and my son is 16 in July… where did the time go!! I am still spending most days seeing clients for private readings but have been urged (or as I call it a kick up the angelic butt!) to spend more time with friends and family and most definitely more time having fun!!
I am full of ideas at the moment and having ‘fingers in many pies’… my love of writing, photography, creativity, walking and much more… I am allowing all the ideas to flow in from the Universe and I am taking each day and seeing where my heart is pulled. This is going to be an eventful year I sense in a transformative way not only for myself but for us all on this earth journey.
Let the magic and miracles surround us all. xx
My forever inquisitive and questioning nature often analyses and over-questions some of what is going on both within my own mind and what is happening around me in the world. I remind myself that my world is a projection of my thoughts as I aim to steer those thoughts in a forever happy direction. I allow myself to believe that happiness is my eternal birthright and that all that I have experienced so far to date has been to show me the polarities and the dualities; preparing me for a time when my mind, heart and soul would feel at peace and safe in the knowledge that ‘the hard work has been done’. I understand that this is a continual growth process as I learn and evolve yet have reached the point of surrender and stillness as I feel myself relax into this unfolding life in front of me. I no longer have to be in battle with life as I know I am fully supported in all ways and the Universe is on my side. I embrace this love, this knowledge, this allowing… I accept myself as I am, others as they are and life as it is.